The Love Files

love and lost

Dear J,
Think about the times we had together. I sincerely think we would have been good for each other. You made me feel things I’d never felt before then took it away as if it was nothing. As if I was nothing. No explanation. Imagine how that feels. I won’t lie. I still hope you’ll call and I probably won’t be able to move on properly till you do. I’m confused that you were just going to leave me to pick up the pieces when you know how I’m feeling.  We’ve both had unsuccessful relationships and it hurts me so much that you didn’t give us a chance. I just wanted to be there for you. No drama. Just me and you. I’ve always only wanted to support you not stress you. You said we wouldn’t work out because of the distance and that you can’t give me much but I could have worked with that. All I ever wanted was your time, however much or little. I need you to know that I would have been different. No lies, control, cheating or games.  I don’t know if things ended because of what happened outside DJ, your ex-girlfriend or because you truly didn’t want someone in your life. But you will soon enough because we all want someone in our life. And when you do, I’ll still be here. Still wanting you just the way you are. You made the decision to end it for the both of us so you had to be sure that it was the right one. You still think it was the right choice and yes I’m hurting now. But you know that I’m hurting because you hurt me. You still wouldn’t take it back because you know you can’t make yourself love me and you’ll just be making yourself unhappy later on and wanting you to be happy has always been more important than wanting you by my side. You need to know that I’ve never blamed you.  You’re not a villian for choosing to leave.
I always felt that our relationship was worth fighting for. I still think that it is but I can’t be the only one fighting. I wish you would have fought for me. I’m still fighting for a chance to be with you but I don’t know if I should. Maybe I gave you more than than you were willing to give me. I hope someday you’ll realize great things when they come around and I hope you don’t lose something real. You mean a lot to me. We had something. Maybe it’s over. Maybe you need time. Either way my feelings for you won’t change.   I still hope that you’ll show up at my door and tell me that it’s not over, that it was never over for you. No matters what happens between us in the future, just remember that you’ll always hold a special place in my heart. I’ll always care about you and want the best for you. You deserve more than the world will ever be able to give you but I hope you get what you’ve always wanted.  love always,E